What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 08:33
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Put me off passion for life!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
SpaceX launches Falcon 9 from Vandenberg SFB Saturday afternoon - KSBY News
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
When gallery photos are deleted at the same time, why are Google photos also deleted?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was scared of men, in general
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I write beautiful poetry .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why aren't you a Trump supporter?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And i lived it daily.
Ive learnt so much.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
FDA rushed out agency-wide AI tool—it’s not going well - Ars Technica
Who then, do I blame.?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She was in good health!
Have you ever dealt with a Christian narcissist?
It was going to be , some day.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why do liberals think it is okay to steal votes while the rest of us obey the law(s)?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Two More Persona 4 Actors Have Said They're Not Returning for an Unannounced Persona 4 Remake - IGN
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I have no regrets .
What’s a mistake most guys make when trying to get a girlfriend?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He knew the spot.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Comes on , in middle age.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
All the time i was locked up.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I don,t even have a pension.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So whats the point in blame.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We were not on the streets..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My life is so biszare .
This is soul school!.
I was seconnd youngest,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
When she asked me how she looked .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So, i spoilt her more .
Why did i forgive my father ?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But it wasn’t much.
I was very sick at this time too.
He resisted the act ,that day.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Especially a lifetime of it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My family never makes their pension either.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Would this be the day?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But, we were locked up after school.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She married twice! .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im still living with it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We all went to grammer schools
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
What did i know ?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I think the readers, may guess!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I will be 64.
I was 9 years of age.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I waited trembling.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She found it foreign!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She loved him until the end.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I said to her
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One cannot live in the past .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She wouldn,t have been !